A Life in a Polygamous Family

By Irene Nasimiyu

Polygamy, a practice deeply rooted in cultural and religious traditions, continues to shape the lives of many families. 

In Shikhugula village, Lurambi constituency, Kakamega County, Hezekiel Handa, a 37-year-old barber, navigates the complexities of polygamous family life with two wives and nine children—eight daughters and one son.

Family Dynamics and Daily Life

Handa’s life story is a testament to the challenges and adjustments inherent in a polygamous marriage. 

He explains, "My firstborn is now in Grade 5, followed by one in Grade 2. The others, including the youngest, have yet to start school. It wasn't my intention to marry multiple wives. We had a disagreement with my first wife, and she returned to her parents' home for a year. At that time, we had two children. This led me to remarry, and after some time, she asked to come back, and I agreed."

Providing for two families is no small feat. "In an African setting, a man is the head of the family. With my small business, I had to ensure peace and stability. I balance everything and provide for them. I have a timetable where I visit them every two days. You know, they are young and very active," he laughs.

Background and Perspectives

Handa was born into a polygamous family; his late mother was the second wife. Despite this, he insists his decision to marry multiple wives was not influenced by his upbringing. "I could not survive long without a woman by my side," he admits.

Meeting his brother, who is busy repairing a kibanda for his wife’s vegetable business, adds another layer to the story. His brother, currently jobless, reflects on family planning, "Family planning is the responsibility of both spouses. Have more children and make sure you can provide them with the basics."

Insights from the Co-Wives

Around 5 p.m., I visited Elivine Nafuna, the second wife, who joined the family after the original second wife left. Raised in a polygamous family herself, she shares her perspective.

The house of the second wife.

"I am married here with my three children, and I am happy my current husband accepted me with them. We are like sisters with my co-wife, and our husband loves us. I am expecting and due anytime now,” Nafula says. 

Nafuna contributes to the family’s finances through casual work, including washing clothes and fetching water. Despite the challenges, she remains optimistic: "On a bad day, the barbershop earns around Ksh. 150, while on a good day, it can make between Ksh. 800 and Ksh. 1,000."

In the adjacent house, Mama Kamama, the first wife, is known for her work as a mama fua, providing laundry and other household services. As she prepares chapati for her family, she reflects on the challenges of polygamy: "When my husband brings another wife, I have no say. Where do I take all these children? As long as we live on our farm and the husband provides what he can, I have no issue."

The house of the first wife.

Family Planning and Health Concerns

A notable aspect of their lives is the lack of family planning. Neither wife currently uses family planning methods. Elivine mentions she has never tried it, while Mama Kamama cites adverse side effects from past attempts. 

"Do you worry about getting pregnant?" I ask. "No, I'm not. Children are a blessing. If they come, I will take care of them. I have no option," she confidently replies.

Polygamous families face significant challenges, including emotional distress and financial strain. Research highlights that these families often experience complex household dynamics, including competition and jealousy among co-wives. Such issues can impact mental health and self-esteem, especially for women. 

The practice of polygamy also raises specific health concerns, particularly related to frequent pregnancies and limited use of family planning methods. This can lead to higher rates of pregnancy-related complications and mortality. 

The World Health Organization (WHO) emphasizes the importance of birth spacing and quality maternal healthcare to mitigate these risks. Economic constraints in polygamous households further limit access to essential prenatal and postnatal care, exacerbating health disparities.

Polygamy remains a complex issue, deeply intertwined with cultural and religious beliefs. Addressing its challenges requires a nuanced understanding of both individual experiences and broader systemic issues.