Double Standards in Gender Equality: Why Society Judges Men and Women Differently

By Ivan Lucy - A few weeks ago, a viral TikTok video ignited a heated debate on gender, power, and justice.

In the clip, a young woman films herself approaching a teenage boy walking home from school. Flirtatiously, she says, “Kumbe type yangu ako shule” loosely translated as “So my type is still in school” before boldly asking for his phone number.

To some viewers, the video was just light-hearted content. But for many others, it struck a disturbing chord, raising concerns about grooming and the objectification of a minor.

The backlash was swift, with a significant number of users pointing out the problematic nature of the interaction, especially given the age disparity.

But one question lingers: Would the reaction have been the same if the roles were reversed?

The Double Standard

Imagine a grown man recording a similar video about a schoolgirl. Society would not label it “content creation.” It would be called out rightly as inappropriate, possibly even criminal.

The man would likely face public outrage, legal scrutiny, and perhaps even threats. Yet, when a woman is in the perpetrator’s seat, the response is often muted. The behavior is dismissed, sometimes even applauded, and conveniently masked as humor.

This incident was largely romanticized simply because the initiator was a woman.

This is more than a double standard it’s a societal blind spot. And it undermines the very foundation of what we claim to fight for: gender equality.

We cannot continue to champion gender parity while excusing, ignoring, or celebrating behavior in women that we would condemn in men.

The Burden on Men

The reality is that men are often treated as default perpetrators. Society has painted them as emotionally tone-deaf, morally suspect, rarely granted the benefit of the doubt, and inherently dangerous especially in interactions involving women or minors.

As a result, many men now avoid situations where their actions could be misinterpreted, even when their intentions are good.

On Sunday, August 3, another video circulated online that illustrated this fear. A man filmed himself walking a few meters from a young girl in pain.

He explained that the girl was being attacked by ants, and he wanted to help but he didn’t.

“Sorry, but I had to ignore her,” he said. “If someone found me helping her, they would accuse me of defilement or harassment, even though my intentions were pure.”

“Let me show you the sad reality of the world nowadays. See that child back there? I left her to be stung because people won’t understand that I was helping her. I could even be accused of defilement, so I can’t risk my freedom,” he said. 

His words capture a bitter truth: Men sometimes choose inaction not because they are wrong, but because they fear being perceived as wrong.

What True Equality Requires

As gender equality advocates, we must confront this uncomfortable truth: when one gender is subjected to harsher judgment while the other is consistently shielded, we are not practicing equality.

Equality does not mean protecting women at the expense of vilifying men. True equality means holding everyone accountable, regardless of gender.

We should not be building a society where men withdraw from situations that require empathy, assistance, or protection,.not out of apathy, but out of fear. In the end, we all lose:

Women lose allies, children lose protectors and humanity loses its moral compass.

When men speak about this disparity, their voices should not be dismissed as whining or deflection. These concerns are a legitimate call for balance and fairness. Equality without justice is performative at best.

Laws must be applied uniformly, and societal expectations must be balanced. Perhaps most importantly, conversations around gender equality must be brave enough to address the uncomfortable narrative: sometimes, the push for women’s rights overshadows the protection of men’s dignity.

Achieving gender equality is not about choosing sides. It is about ensuring both sides are held to the same standard only then can equality be real.