"I Chose My Family Over My Job”: A Kenyan Dad's Unwavering Journey Through a Maternal Crisis

Ronald Imbayi never imagined that fighting for his wife and child’s survival would cost him his job. Seated outside his modest home in Kakamega, gently rocking his six-month-old daughter, he reflects on the past six months—the hardest of his life.

“I almost lost them both. When I look back, I feel so grateful,” Imbayi murmurs, his voice mixed with both gratitude and pain. 

Becoming a father had never crossed his mind, but he never imagined how deeply involved he would become in his wife's maternal health. A tuk-tuk driver by profession, his days revolved around ferrying passengers through the bustling streets of Kakamega town. But from the moment his wife Shadia conceived, his priorities shifted. 

“My job took most of my time, but when my wife told me she was pregnant, I had to sit down and reevaluate my priorities. I needed to be there for her,” he explains. “From the very start, I made sure I was present, helping with chores, especially as the pregnancy progressed. She couldn’t bend or do much, so I’d wake up at 5 a.m. to do housework before heading to work.” 

Imbayi would even make time to check on Shadia in the middle of the day. 

“I would drop by at 1 p.m. to see how she was doing, prepare her lunch, and then return to work,” he recalls. 

He was also by her side for every clinic visit and antenatal check-up. 

“No matter how many customers were waiting, I made sure I accompanied her to the hospital. Even during the ultrasound, I was there. That’s when we found out we were having a baby girl, and everything seemed perfect,” he says. 

Challenging Traditions: A Husband in the Maternity Ward 

The pregnancy had been smooth, and the couple planned for a normal delivery, but fate had other plans. 

“As my wife neared delivery, doctors told us that complications had developed, and they recommended a cesarean section. This was a shock because all previous check-ups had shown the pregnancy was progressing well. We weren’t financially prepared for a C-section,” Imbayi explains. 

At the time, Kenya’s Social Health Insurance had scrapped the 'Linda Mama' program, which previously covered maternity costs. Imbayi needed to raise Ksh50,000 for the surgery. 

“I had no choice but to sign the consent form and think about the money later. The operation was done, and we welcomed a healthy baby girl,” he says. 

That moment marked a turning point in his life. With Shadia needing time to recover, Imbayi had to make a tough choice — his job or his family. 

“I was the only one available to care for my wife. I could not call home for help because my grandmother, who is too old to travel, raised me. I tried talking to my boss about my situation, but he didn’t understand,” he shares. 

Spending most of his time at the hospital, Imbayi took on the full responsibility of caring for his wife and newborn. 

“I cleaned my wife’s wound, fed her, bathed the baby — I did everything. My life revolved around the maternity ward, and I was the only man there. But I had to summon the courage to do what was necessary,” he says. 

For Shadia, her husband’s sacrifices meant everything. “My husband gave up his job for me and our child. That made me truly appreciate the kind of man I married,” she says. 

“When men are actively involved in maternal health, like Imbayi was, it makes the journey easier for us. He handled everything, from cooking to house chores, while I focused on healing.”

Dinah Nyangoli, a Community Health Promoter (CHP), confirms that many men face similar struggles. 

Dinah Nyangoli, a Community Health Promoter (CHP), Kakamega

“Kenya’s labor laws don’t provide adequate paternal leave for informal workers like Imbayi. Many men are forced to choose between supporting their families and keeping their jobs. Those I have interacted with say their work schedules make it difficult to attend clinic visits, antenatal check-ups, or even be present for delivery,” Dinah explains. 

Imbayi’s dedication impressed not only the hospital staff but also the other patients. 

“Many were amazed at how committed I was to my wife and baby. Even the healthcare providers at the Kakamega County Referral Hospital commended me,” he says. 

His respect for Shadia fueled his commitment to being there every step of the way. 

Despite his unwavering support, one major challenge remained—the hospital bill. 

“With only Ksh2,000 in my pocket, I was completely stressed. The bill was overwhelming. I lost my appetite, wondering where I’d get Ksh50,000,” he recalls. 

Fortunately, he was part of a local savings group. 

“I reached out to them, and they checked my savings. I managed to get some money from the group, and relatives chipped in too, but it still wasn’t enough,” he says. 

With no other options, he approached the hospital management. 

“I explained my situation to the manager. He asked about my work and even visited my wife in the ward. After seeing my dedication and commitment, he was moved and waived the remaining Ksh5,000,” Imbayi says. 

Now back home, Imbayi's caregiving responsibilities have only intensified, especially since he no longer has a job. 

“When we returned home, I had to figure out how to support my wife and baby without an income. Thankfully, my friends came through. They brought food, diapers, and other essentials for both mother and child,” he shares. 

The Second Crisis: A Month in the Hospital

Just three days after Imbayi’s wife and baby were discharged, complications arose, Shadia’s surgical wound became infected, and she had to be rushed back to the hospital. 

“I had no one to take care of the baby, so I took her with me,” Imbayi recalls. “When we got to the hospital, the doctor said an emergency surgery was needed to clean the wound and determine the cause of the infection. I looked at my wife, who was in excruciating pain, and I could only imagine the suffering she would have to endure all over again.” 

As if fate was testing him further, just as doctors were preparing for Shadia’s surgery, their four-week-old baby girl suddenly fell ill and had to be rushed to the life-saving machine. 

“I noticed the signs, she wasn’t herself. Her body was hot, her eyes were pale, and she was unusually inactive,” Imbayi says. “I told the doctors, but they ignored me. It wasn’t until she fainted in my arms that they finally rushed to help. I was furious at their negligence. I confronted them and then carried my baby to the emergency unit myself.” 

With his wife and baby in two different wards, Imbayi was stretched to his limit, physically, emotionally, and financially. 

“I had completely left work. I spent an entire month in the hospital. I was drained—financially, emotionally, mentally. But what was I supposed to do? I couldn’t leave them,” he says. 

Shadia often wonders what would have happened if she had gone through this alone. 

“When our baby fell sick in the hospital, my husband was the one who noticed it first and acted quickly. If he wasn’t there, I don’t even know what could have happened,” she recalls. 

“I always ask myself, what if I had to face all these challenges alone? The emergency C-section, the unexpected complications, the financial struggles? It would have been unbearable.”

Realizing he couldn’t do it all alone, he sought help from his mother-in-law. 

“She came to my aid, taking care of my wife while I focused on my baby. At least that allowed me to rush home now and then to find any small job I could do to raise money for the hospital bills,” he explains. 

During Shadia’s treatment, doctors finally discovered the cause of the infection, during the initial C-section, some surgical debris had been left inside her womb, leading to severe complications. 

“When the hospital realized their mistake, they assured me they would take full responsibility for her treatment and ensure she fully recovered. They told me to focus on my baby while they took care of my wife,” Imbayi says. 

Doctors opted for intensive treatment instead of another surgery, and after one month and two weeks, both mother and baby were finally discharged—fully recovered. 

A Ripple Effect: Changing Mindsets

Imbayi’s unwavering commitment to his wife and child didn’t go unnoticed. His story inspired others, including his best friend, who had always dismissed maternal health as a "women’s issue." 

“My friend never believed men should be involved in maternal health. But after seeing my journey, he changed his mind. Even though his wife had already given birth, he vowed to be more involved in future pregnancies,” Imbayi shares. 

Kenyan society has long upheld rigid gender roles that exclude men from maternal care. 

According to Joseph Lumbasi, a cultural leader, men were traditionally only involved after childbirth. 

“In our time, men were not allowed in maternity wards, let alone delivery rooms. Those were no-go zones for men,” Mzee Lumbasi explains. “We believed that since other men’s wives were also there, it was inappropriate for us to invade their privacy.”

However, times are changing, and many younger fathers are beginning to challenge these traditions.

“The world is changing fast. As a cultural leader, I work with male groups where we teach young and older men about traditions. In these groups, we’ve introduced maternal health education to encourage men to participate fully in pregnancy and childbirth,” he says. 

Dinah agrees, noting that younger fathers are more open to learning about maternal health than older generations. 

“Our interactions in the community show that younger fathers are increasingly making an effort to accompany their spouses to clinics and childbirth,” Dinah says. “However, many older men still see it as a woman’s responsibility. This forces women to make decisions alone regarding birth plans and family planning.” 

The Bigger Picture: Why Male Involvement Matters

Imbayi’s story highlights a critical gap in Kenya’s maternal health system. According to the 2022 Kenya Demographic and Health Survey (KDHS), only 55% of men participate in antenatal check-ups, and 67% accompany their partners to health facilities during delivery.

The same survey reveals that maternal and infant mortality rates decline with higher levels of education. Interestingly, location has little impact on survival rates, with both rural and urban areas reporting 41 deaths per 1,000 live births.

The World Health Organization (WHO) strongly advocates for active male involvement in maternal health, from pregnancy and childbirth to the postpartum period, as a proven strategy to improve outcomes for mothers and newborns. However, it also emphasizes that this involvement must respect women’s autonomy in decision-making.

Even after childbirth, Imbayi continued to walk alongside his wife, accompanying her and their baby to postpartum check-ups.

“Being a father and husband has taught me so much about responsibility,” he says. “This journey opened my eyes to just how incredible women are, and how much they deserve our respect. I’ve learned how to care for a woman during pregnancy, birth, and recovery.”

Imbayi says that even their family planning choices were made together, with support from a healthcare provider.

Shadia appreciated his thoughtfulness in the process. “We sat down and discussed which method would be best for me,” she says. “He suggested a long-term one, to give me time to heal from everything I had been through. That was so thoughtful of him.”

“There was a very kind nurse at the hospital who explained the different options,” Imbayi recalls. “When we went for family planning, even the security guard at the gate praised me. The doctors were amazed to see me back again, this time with my wife and our healthy baby, making that decision as a team.”

Bridging the Gap: Encouraging More Male Participation

To encourage more men to get involved in maternal healthcare, Dinah says they rely on male CHPs, community outreach programs, and local barazas (public meetings). 

“Often, men hesitate to participate because of how they are approached. Some feel uncomfortable or excluded. That’s why we use male health promoters to reach out to other men and talk about the importance of their involvement,” Dinah explains. 

Imbayi believes healthcare facilities must do better in accommodating male partners. 

“Some healthcare workers discourage us. They treat us differently. We want to be allowed into the counselling rooms, to be prioritized in facilities, especially because many of us leave work to rush our partners to the hospital, hoping to return quickly. But when we are made to wait for hours, it’s discouraging,” he says. 

Rita Kaka, a midwife, confirms that more men are getting involved in maternal health, leading to improved health outcomes for both mothers and babies. 

Rita Kaka, a midwife at Bukura Health Centre

“When fathers notice danger signs, like Imbayi did, they can seek help early, preventing complications from escalating. After delivery, fathers can also remind mothers about postnatal care instructions, including when to take the baby for check-ups,” she explains. 

However, she acknowledges that some healthcare providers still neglect or discourage men from participating. 

“Hospitals should become more male-friendly by increasing outreach programs that educate men about reproductive health,” she suggests. 

A 2022 study by the African Population and Health Research Center (APHRC) found that male involvement in maternal health reduces complications and increases the likelihood of skilled birth attendance.

A Call for More Inclusive Healthcare Systems

According to Beverly Wambani, a Sexual Reproductive Health Rights and Justice Officer in Kakamega County, more needs to be done to make healthcare facilities welcoming to male partners. 

“We strongly encourage men to be involved in maternal health. When men accompany their partners to clinics, they are better informed to make decisions such as family planning and pregnancy care. We usually start these discussions early so that by the time a couple welcomes their baby, they already know their family planning options,” says Dr. Beverly. 

To increase male participation, they work with male champions like Imbayi, CHPs, and local leaders to advocate for male involvement in maternal health and family planning. 

“Men are generally poor health seekers, and if they feel excluded, they won’t bother to engage. That’s why we go the extra mile to involve male champions who can encourage others,” she adds. 

Dr. Beverly also rejects the notion that men who support their partners during pregnancy and childbirth are weak. 

“When men receive the right information, many want to break away from outdated cultural beliefs and be more involved,” she says. 

The WHO has called for policies that promote male involvement in maternal healthcare, recognizing it as a critical factor in reducing maternal mortality rates. 

While advocating for greater male inclusion, Dr. Beverly condemns the unwelcoming attitudes of some healthcare providers, emphasizing that excluding men violates reproductive justice, which supports inclusive, dignified maternal care. 

“Every person, regardless of gender, has the right to participate in reproductive health decisions without discrimination,” she asserts. 

She also calls for policy reforms to engage more men and create a supportive environment for them in healthcare settings. 

Policy and Systemic Changes Needed

Imbayi’s experience underscores the urgent need for policy reforms, financial support, and cultural shifts to ensure men can actively participate in maternal healthcare without fear or barriers.

Healthcare facilities must become more inclusive by training providers to welcome male participation and creating designated spaces for fathers in maternity wards.

Strengthening social health insurance is also critical, as many hospitals have yet to fully adopt the Social Health Insurance Authority (SHIA). Reviving the Linda Mama initiative would help ensure affordable maternal care, easing the financial burden on families.

According to Kenya’s National Reproductive Health Policy (2022–2032) by the Ministry of Health, engaging men in reproductive health programs is key to addressing gender inequality and improving maternal outcomes.

The policy emphasizes expanding male support groups and fatherhood training programs to normalize men’s involvement in pregnancy and childbirth. It also highlights the need to engage cultural leaders in challenging outdated gender norms that discourage men from playing active roles in maternal care.

To fully integrate male participation, the policy advocates for reforms that embed men into maternal care guidelines. It also calls for healthcare facilities to be made more male-friendly, ensuring adequate privacy and services that encourage fathers to be present and involved.

As the policy states: “Ensuring that health facilities are male-friendly, with adequate privacy and services for men, is crucial in improving maternal health outcomes.”

Imbayi hopes his story will inspire other men to step up. "If I could do it with no money, no job, and no support, then every man can do something. Our wives shouldn’t have to go through this alone," he says.

Shadia agrees and urges more men to be involved in the pregnancy and childbirth journey.

"Men should be involved in maternal health. It makes everything easier and can even prevent maternal deaths. For me, my husband did everything while I was in bed recovering. That’s the kind of support every woman deserves," she emphasizes.