“Shame Is Heavier Than the Infertility Itself” — The Silent Struggle of Kenyan Men

When he begins to tell his story, it sounds like he is speaking about someone else’s pain.

“He was in his late twenties when he realized that his dream of becoming a father had faded away,” he says.

But as his voice falters, it becomes clear: the man he’s talking about is himself.

He is a man from Navakholo Sub County, Kakamega County, living a life that society rarely allows men to admit to, let alone talk about, a life marked by stigma, silence, shame and suffering. A life defined by infertility.

Now in his 40s, William Ondenyi has lived in the shadows of whispered rumors, judgmental glances, and jokes masked as casual banter. Infertility, especially among men, remains  taboo subject in many African communities. For William, it was more than just the inability to father a child, it was the slow unraveling of everything he believed made him a man.

“I was born a normal boy, just like any other,” he says. “All through my childhood, everything seemed fine. I believed my reproductive organs were functioning well, and my feelings were normal. Then I got married. We stayed together for some time, but eventually parted ways. At first, I thought my wife was the problem, but she assured me she was not. She went to the hospital, got checked, and everything was okay on her side.”

His eyes grow distant, as though chasing a long-forgotten dream.

“It was hard to accept that I was the problem. I kept telling myself it was just stress, or maybe I was just unlucky,” he continues.

But as months turned into years, the truth began to sink in, he was, indeed, the one facing infertility.

“I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone, not my family, not even my closest friends. My wife encouraged me to go to the hospital and be examined, at least to seek answers. However, I just could not do it. I kept thinking about the shame. How could I explain to a doctor that I could not have children? I convinced myself it was something temporary, something I could fix.”

The painful realization that he was unable to father children became a heavy burden he could not put down. For William, and many men like him, infertility is not just a medical condition, it is an emotional wound. And in a society that attaches masculinity to reproduction, the stigma only deepens the hurt.

William believes infertility cost him his marriage.

“My wife tried to carry the burden with me. She had to answer so many questions. The good thing is she promised never to tell anyone. She covered for me, pretending we were just waiting, not in a hurry to have children. After four years of marriage, she left. She had tried her best,” he says. “We told our families we separated due to a major misunderstanding. But those close to us must have guessed the truth, even though I never confirmed it.”

In Kenyan society, masculinity is closely tied to a man’s ability to provide, and more so, to his ability to father children. When a man fails to meet these expectations, the emotional toll is immense. For William, that reality was devastating.

“Days passed, months turned into years. My family expected me to remarry, but I could not bring myself to do it. Then the questions started. Questions I was not ready to face. I even began to fear that maybe my ex-wife had told them what I was going through. In the community, I could feel people pointing fingers. The murmurs followed me wherever I went,” he says. “At first, I ignored it. But over time, it became harder to bear.”

“Sometimes when I was out with friends and they talked about their children, who just joined secondary school, who topped their class, who needed school fees, or who were expecting twins, I’d just smile and go silent. I had nothing to add. In those moments, it’s like I stopped existing.”

Even within his own family, support was lacking. Instead, he faced humiliation.

“Yes, I never told them, but their assumptions were right. After years of seeing no progress, no wife, no children, they suggested something that crushed me. They told me to move out of my three-bedroom house and let my younger brother, who had a family, move in. They said the house was too big for someone like me. Just me, my chickens, and my cat,” he recalls, his voice barely above a whisper. “That was the most heartbreaking moment.”

William says he often had no voice during family gatherings, never given the chance to speak or be heard. 

The discrimination faced by men living with infertility often leads to depression and other mental health issues, making it even harder for them to seek help, from friends, from doctors, from anyone.

Though he has come to accept his condition, William has never sought treatment. He’s never visited a clinic, taken medication, or spoken to a professional about his infertility.

“Shame is heavier than the condition itself,” he says. “Who would even understand?”

A Mental Health Crisis: The Doctor’s Perspective on Male Infertility

Male infertility is not just a medical condition; it’s a psychological burden, often carried in silence. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), one in every six people globally experiences infertility. Yet in many African societies, where lineage and fatherhood are deeply tied to masculinity, men rarely acknowledge or talk about the condition.

Dr. Ogombe Sawa, a consultant urologist, surgeon, and lecturer at a local Kenyan university, explains that infertility is defined as the inability to conceive after 12 months of regular, unprotected sexual intercourse.

“You need to have regular sex for at least a year with your partner, and if conception doesn’t occur within that time, then it becomes a concern,” says Dr. Ogombe. “When we talk about infertility, both parties are involved, it’s a 50/50 burden between men and women.”

Dr. Ogombe Sawa, a consultant urologist, surgeon, and lecturer at a local Kenyan university.

Dr. Ogombe notes that male infertility has a wide range of causes, which can stem from hormonal imbalances, environmental factors, medication, trauma and lifestyle choices.

“To understand male infertility, we need to look at the male reproductive system. Sperm is produced in the testes, and infertility can result from problems that occur before the testes, within the testes, or after. For example, hormonal issues, such as low testosterone, can interfere with spermatogenesis, the process of sperm production.”

He adds that temperature regulation is critical for sperm production, which is why it’s important for young boys’ testes to descend into the scrotum shortly after birth.

“When the testes are located in the abdomen rather than the scrotum, a condition known as undescended testes, it can impair sperm production and lead to infertility,” he says.

Beyond physical conditions, lifestyle choices such as excessive alcohol consumption, smoking, recreational drug use, and exposure to certain chemicals or trauma can also negatively impact sperm quality.

Dr. Ogombe stresses the importance of seeking medical attention for a proper diagnosis.

“Men should visit a specialist for a thorough physical examination, lab tests, and other investigations. Infertility can originate at birth, or it can be acquired due to injuries, surgeries, or environmental exposure. Sometimes, structural abnormalities like underdeveloped ejaculatory ducts may be the root cause.”

Surprisingly, he says, up to 25% of male infertility cases have no identifiable cause.

“Some men are born healthy, but things like trauma, pesticides, or unknown genetic issues may later affect their fertility. In such cases, even with comprehensive testing, we may never pinpoint the exact cause.”

Despite this, many men, like William, hesitate to seek help due to shame or denial.

“We try to encourage men to come for evaluation, but the turnout is still low. When some realize the problem isn’t with their wives, they eventually build up the courage to seek help,” Dr. Ogombe shares. 

“Each week, depending on the facility, I see about three to five men who come in for fertility-related concerns. The services are available, men just need to come forward. We can have a conversation and figure out the cause.”

Cultural norms, however, remain a significant barrier.

“This is something we need to address, both within communities and the healthcare system,” he says. “There’s a lot of misinformation. Even when men come, especially for issues related to sexual health or fertility, they’re often shy or guarded. It usually takes some persuasion, and in many cases, it’s their wives who push them to get checked after being cleared by their gynecologists.”

One of the most common misconceptions among men, Dr. Ogombe notes, is equating ejaculation with fertility.

“Many men assume that because they can ejaculate, they must be fertile. But ejaculation doesn’t guarantee the presence of sperm in semen. That’s why semen analysis is necessary. It’s the only way to confirm whether sperm is present and in what quantity.”

According to the Kenya Association of Urological Surgeons, 10–15 percent of couples in the country are unable to conceive. In 60 percent of these cases, the issue lies wholly or partly with the male partner.

“Urological investigations can often reveal treatable causes of male-factor infertility. While many couples are evaluated by gynecologists, it’s important for men with fertility concerns to also seek evaluation by a urologist who specializes in andrology,” the association states.

Tradition, Culture and the Church: Perspectives on Male Infertilityl

In many African communities, infertility is still largely viewed as a woman’s issue. In patriarchal societies, a man's role as a progenitor is so deeply ingrained that even medical evidence pointing to male infertility is often dismissed or ignored.

Agreeing with Dr. Ogombe’s insights, Joseph Lumbasi, a renowned traditional herbalist and cultural leader from Butsotso West in Kakamega County, emphasizes the importance of early examination of male children after birth.

“It’s important to check a baby boy’s reproductive organs at birth, especially the testes,” Lumbasi says. 

“Traditionally, we treat male infertility using a variety of herbal remedies. We make concoctions by mixing roots, leaves, and barks from different plants, which the patient drinks over a specific period. Sometimes we prepare herbal steam treatments, where the person is covered with a blanket to inhale the vapors. If these methods fail, we advise them to see a medical specialist, though most do not.”

He notes that many men who seek traditional treatment do so in secret.

“Men are often too ashamed to go to the hospital, and even coming to us is a struggle. Those who do usually come at night and beg me not to tell anyone in the community. As a herbalist, I keep my patients’ secrets,” he says.

Lumbasi also encourages men to eat healthy, traditional foods like groundnuts, simsim, milk, and plenty of vegetables to support their fertility.

Culturally, he adds, men without children often isolate themselves from others in the community.

“They feel uncomfortable around others and tend to withdraw. To help them open up, we cultural leaders, try to show them that we understand, that we’re one of them. But many turn to alcohol or traditional brews to cope. Some believe they’re cursed or have angered the ancestors. Others blame their wives.”

When families  learn about a man’s infertility, Lumbasi says there is a traditional way of “covering the shame.”

“If the family is aware of the issue before the couple separates, they can intervene. A brother or cousin of the husband may be chosen to secretly sire children with the wife, and this stays strictly within the family. Traditional herbs are taken to ‘cleanse’ both parties, and a cow is given to the wife's family. Outwardly, the man appears to be the father, preserving his reputation and protecting him from community stigma.”

Lumbasi calls on communities to acknowledge that men, just like women, can be affected by infertility and need support.

The Church’s Role in Male Infertility

The church, often a powerful influence in Kenyan society, also plays a significant role in shaping how male infertility is addressed.

Bishop Nicholas Olumasai, the County Chair of the Religious Council of Kakamega, and Bishop Bonface Keya of Mwangaza Faith Church, agree that male infertility is a growing issue. They note that the condition is under-reported because men rarely come forward for help.

Bishop Nicholas Olumasai, the County Chair of the Religious Council of Kakamega

“Infertility affects many men in Kenya and across the world,” says Bishop Olumasai. “But many don’t seek help. In the past, we ate traditional, healthy foods. Today, we consume highly processed food with too much fat and cholesterol, which can block blood vessels. Even certain drugs that stimulate male performance can contribute to infertility.”

While William, a man living with infertility, feels the church has failed him, saying, “We are told to run to our pastors, but all they preach about is procreation. They celebrate when children are born and brought for dedication. But no one recognizes or supports those of us with infertility. So going to church just adds more stress.”

However, Bishop Olumasai insists the church is evolving.

“Today, churches are taking a leading role in addressing this issue,” he says. “We organize seminars specifically focused on infertility. We invite health officers to speak on medical and mental health matters.”

Bishop Keya adds that the church also offers spiritual support for those born with the condition or those who may have inherited it.

“For such cases, we turn to prayer and encourage them to see specialists. In situations believed to involve curses, we offer spiritual intervention, including prayer and deliverance.”

The bishops also acknowledge the psychological toll of male infertility.

“Men often struggle with feelings of inferiority. They isolate themselves from others, avoid relationships, and rarely open up. In many cases, it’s the wives who come to us seeking help,” says Bishop Keya. 

“When that happens, we offer couples counseling. We assign spiritual mentors to both the husband and the wife to assess whether the issue can be addressed through prayer and guidance. If it’s beyond us, we recommend they seek medical treatment.”

Policies and Recommendations

Dr. Ogombe notes that when it comes to policies surrounding infertility in Kenya, there is a significant lack of clarity and support.

“Unfortunately, in our current system, infertility is rarely addressed directly in policies. For example, in Nairobi, if a patient has insurance, most providers exclude infertility from their coverage. This creates a major challenge in managing the condition. Whether it’s for diagnostic tests or treatment, many insurance policies exclude infertility-related services, especially semen analysis and treatment,” Dr. Ogombe explains.

He highlights that one of the biggest barriers to policy change is the silence and stigma surrounding infertility.

“There’s a lack of awareness. When people don’t talk about it, no one realizes the extent of the suffering. That’s why what the media is doing, raising awareness, is so important. We see many couples struggling in silence. Creating awareness opens the door for conversations, which can then lead to policy changes that support those affected.”

Dr. Ogombe also mentions that while there are ongoing efforts and research studies on male infertility, national-level programs are still lacking.

“There have been some individual studies and small-scale initiatives, but nothing widespread. Unlike diseases like cholera or cancer, where you see public health campaigns and community outreach programs, infertility receives very little attention,” he says.

“One notable effort is from Kenyatta National Hospital (KNH), where there was an initiative to support couples facing infertility. They even established a sperm bank, one of the very few in the country. But beyond KNH, such facilities and programs are rare. Access to sperm banks or advanced reproductive services remains extremely limited.”

According to the Ministry of Health, frameworks such as the National Reproductive Health Policy (2022–2032) and the National Reproductive Health Strategy (2009–2015) aim to improve reproductive health services, including those related to infertility. These policies estimate that male factor infertility accounts for about 30% of all infertility cases.

William believes that more supportive spaces could help men come forward and seek help.

“There should be male support groups dedicated to infertility. Health facilities can be a good starting point, places where men can access counseling, open up about their struggles, and begin the journey toward healing.”

In his final remarks, Dr. Ogombe urges men not to suffer in silence.

“There is help. We can assess, evaluate and find solutions. But it starts with speaking up.”